| Steve and I met each other on a website called BigChurch. Yes, it was on a website, online, on the internet, whatever you wish to call it. Despite the negative connotations that tends to hold these days, it is in fact the solid truth. The thing which is so ironic and funny about the way in which we met, is that meeting online is not something either of us would have ever dreamed would happen to us, and is certainly not the way either of us planned to meet our spouse. In fact, looking back on it, my whole introduction to and initial sign-up with BigChurch was completely out of character for me. And yet, now I can honestly say it's the best thing I ever did!
I was a college student in my last year before graduation. I had been in college for 5 years and was trying to finish up a degree in biology and chemistry. I was so glad to be nearing the end of my schooling and it was difficult to think about what to do afterward. I had known nothing but school and grades and homework and projects from the time I was three years old, and at 23 it was hard to imagine my life without these things. Yet the real world requires taxes and bills and rent payments, and thus requires a job to meet all these criteria, so I began to search for what career options were open to me.
For some reason, the state of North Carolina kept appearing in all my job searches. I came up when I searched for post-baccalaureate programs to do after college was done, it came up when I searched for job openings, and it came up in other surprising and unexpected ways. And, of course, it also came up on BigChurch. Part of my reasoning for signing up on the site was the thought that since the Lord seemed to be directing me to North Carolina, I might as well get a feel for what it was like before picking up and moving 3,000 miles from where I had been raised. I figured BigChurch might be a way to meet some friends or at least some acquaintances before moving to an area totally new and unknown to me.
Steve, as it turns out, was on BigChurch for similar reasons to my own. He had made an even greater move than I was considering by moving from the south coast of England to North Carolina. Talk about culture shock! I knew that North Carolina would be definite culture shock for me, since I had lived on the west coast my entire life, so I couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Steve. Steve, at the recommendation from a friend (remind me to thank him!) was on BigChurch to meet some people and get acquainted with life in the USA.
The way we ran across each other on the website was also unique. I didn't go looking for Steve, and neither did he really go looking for me. Both of us had spent some time on the website and after continuously being contracted by random people who weren't even remotely compatible with us as friends or otherwise, were both at the point of giving up on it. Then, by chance, I received another offer to join someone's "List of Friends". The girl who sent the invitation was not from the area I was looking at and seemed to be the type of person I would never have gotten along with. Yet as I browsed her profile I was able to see who else was on her list of friends... and one of those was Steve.
Steve's picture, along with several others, had been selected out of about 300 to be displayed on this girl's main page. I saw the photo, which was barely half an inch tall, and immediately was drawn to Steve. I clicked on the photo and found myself browsing the profile of Brit78, which was Steve's screen name. I immediately thought he was cute... the short brown hair, the most kind and wonderful eyes... but was also struck by how much we seemed to have in common. He and I shared many of the same likes and dislikes, interests and views on life. And above all, he shared my faith in Jesus Christ. I could tell from his answers and comments that he was a true believer and that he was the kind of person I just might get along with. And, of course, he was living in North Carolina. I sat in agony for several hours trying to decide whether to send him an email or not. After all, I figured that most likely he would see my name and profile, glance over it and say "Nah!" and delete me on the spot. I finally decided that I would take the risk and send him a short email. I made it as simple, honest and non-threatening as possible and hoped and prayed that he would respond. However, if he did not, then what had I really lost? So off the email went.
Two days passed and I figured that my email had gotten lost in cyberspace and that I wouldn't hear back from Brit78 at all. Then, on the evening of the second day I got a reply. I think my heart hit the ceiling with excitement to know that the guy who I had believed I might connect with (and thought was cute!) would actually email me back. I had so expected not to hear from him that I was a little unprepared for it all. I was pleased to find, however, that his email was not just a "Hi, how are you? Bye!" email, but actually contained substance. It contained real thoughts and feelings and comments and questions and was exactly the sort of email I would have sent out had our positions been reversed.
I didn't want to seem too eager to ignite this new friendship, so I dutifully and painfully waited for a day and a half before I responded. And that was where it all began. We started slowly at first, just friendly email exchanged every other day or so and talking about simple things that were going on in our lives. Gradually we began to email more frequently and I could predict when emails from him would arrive. It was extremely refreshing to have someone to correspond with who would consistently write back to me. It was also exciting to have someone to share all my thoughts with.
Sharing my thoughts was something which happened nearly right away and seemed to get easier and easier with time. Steve never judged me, never questioned me, and seemed, amazingly enough, to understand what I was thinking or dealing with when no one else did. I felt instantly comfortable wit him, as though I had known him for years, and I never had any doubts about telling him things or talking with him.
The thing which continually amazed me, and still amazes me to this day if I'm honest with myself, is how two people raised in different cultures, growing up in different countries, thousands of miles away from each other, could manage to be so similar and have such similar outlooks on life. Sure, it helps that Britain and the United States are less far removed from each other than other countries might be, but yet there are still plenty of differences in our two cultures. However, Steve and I seemed to communicate as if there was no separation, as though we could have been raised down the street from one another.
After we had been exchanging emails for about a month, with an email every other day or so, Steve announced that he was going back to England for a friend's wedding. Even thought I barely knew him, and really didn't know him at all beyond what he told me in his letters, I felt a little afraid and worried at the prospects of him being back in his homeland. I was afraid that he would forget about me, that the daily emails would sloly diminish and stop, and that this new friendship I was so excited about would peter out. And yet, Steve promised me that he would stay in touch and that he would email me and tell me all about his time at home. The day he left I was at school stuck in a biology lab. I was watching the clock tick closer and closer to the time when I knew he would be leaving for the airport. Somehow I managed to finish my lab work early and race home. Before I had even set my things down, I as busy turning on my computer and logging on to instant messenger to see if by some chance Steve was online. And sure enough, he was! We talked for a few minutes before he had to board his plane and then he was gone. I had no way of contacting him, no way of emailing him and there was no way for him to email me. Even thought were barely knew each other, I felt a sudden sense of longing and surprisingly, a sense of worry.
I spent the entire evening praying for Steve's safety and welfare, asking the Lord to protect him and keep him safe as he traveled. It was strange to feel such a sense of concern over someone I barely knew, and yet it was surprisingly strong. Imagine my relief when I received an email from Steve announcing that he had made it safely home and all was well.
Even thought I expected Steve's trip to England would cause damage to our newly found friendship, the trip did just the opposite. We wrote to each other more on that trip than we ever had before. He was full of stories about being back home and seeing friends, and I was curious to know more about his life in England. Our emails which had been exchanged every other day became daily events, with us corresponding as much as time allowed. I was also very excited to see pictures from Steve's travels, including his friend's wedding. I remember scanning through the photos, eagerly trying to pick Steve's face out from the crowd. When he finally returned back to the USA I was excited and thrilled just to be standing on the same continent as Steve, even if we were on opposite coasts. It was around then that I set my mind on the fact that I had to meet this guy.
I had talked about coming out to Charlotte before, because I wanted to tour the school campus I had been interested in. Yet when I thought about a trip out to the east coast, it was not the school that was consuming my thought or attention. I really could care less about the school. My whole focus was on Steve. My family, while they didn't feel like I was in any danger with Steve, was a little uncertain about me flying across the country to meet a guy that they didn't know. So Steve, out of the kindness and graciousness of his heart, offered to fly out to Oregon to meet me.
The day we decided upon that it felt like my heart was doing flips inside my chest. I couldn't contain my joy or excitement, and yet I also was somewhat afraid. What if he didn't like me? What if I didn't like him? What if we spent an hour together and ran out of things to talk about? I had a feeling these things were unlikely, especially from the fact that we seemed to be able to write email-novels to each other without getting bored, but I must say I still worried. Despite my worry, it was somewhat of a comfort to know Steve was feeling the same way, as I continued to receive emails from him stating things such as "I am continuing to feel more and more nervous about things... yet at the same time I am getting incredibly excited about meeting you!"
We decided, largely due to the urging of friends and family, that it was probably a good idea to talk on the phone at least once before meeting each other. I believe that actually caused as much nervousness as the actual meeting did! We scheduled a time for him to call me and then we waited for the day to arrive. I felt fine on the day of the call, not too nervous, just full of anticipation at hearing the sound of his voice. I was fine, that is, until about 2 hours before the call was supposed to take place. Suddenly I became nervous, agitated and jumpy. I couldn't seem to sit still in one place for very long, and couldn't focus my mind on anything but waiting for the phone to ring. I felt dizzy and slightly sick to my stomach. What if we had nothing to talk about? What if I couldn't understand him? What if he couldn't understand me?
When the phone finally rang, I about jumped out of my chair. I waited for the phone to ring twice and then hesitantly answered it. I was greeted by a nice, solid, and very British, "hello, is Heather there?" Steve and I talked for nearly an hour, each of us becoming more relaxed as the conversation progressed. I had a little trouble understanding him at first, but that was more due to poor cell phone coverage than due to his accent. After hanging up with him I remember lying on the bed for nearly an hour and just thinking. Steve was everything I had expected him to be and more, and that gave me a great sense of excitement!
We spoke once more before he was scheduled to come visit me, and then suddenly the day was upon us! I was full of excitement and busy with preparations on that day, trying to squeeze in school work somewhere in the midst of it all. Steve was supposed to arrive late on Friday night, but managed to miss his first flight out of Charlotte (we won't discuss why :-) ) and had to catch a later one. This caused him to miss his flight from San Francisco to Medford, meaning that he got re-routed through Portland and didn't get in until around Noon on Saturday. That was also the night of the worst thunder storm Medford has seen in decades, so perhaps it was really the grace of God that Steve got in late.
I had trouble sleeping on Friday night, knowing the next day contained a large and important event, but somehow I managed to drift off and dream of what was to come. A little before Noon I headed to the Medford Airport and waited for Steve's flight to come in. I can't remember a time (with the exception of the moments preceding his first phone call) that I was more nervous or apprehensive. I was worried that he wouldn't recognize me, or that I wouldn't recognize him, or that we would recognize each other but that it would go badly. And somewhere in the midst of all of that, the most frightening thought was that it might work out really well.
When the flight landed I stood just to the left of the doorway... waiting to catch my first glimpse of him... and then, slowly, the revolving doors began to spin and I saw him. The recognition was instantaneous, not only how he looked, but the way he moved... there was no doubt in my mind that this was my Steve, the one who I had been speaking to for so many months.
The next few moments were a complete blur. I vaguely remember hugging him and taking him out to the car. I drove around Medford in a complete sense of shock, having difficulty navigating simply because I was so overwhelmed by the moment. I found it most challenging to connect the fact that the man sitting in the car beside me was in fact the same person I knew so well through writing. And yet, even with that barrier to overcome, I still felt instantly comfortable with Steve and instantly drawn to him. Somewhere deep inside my heart I knew that he was something special and that this was the start of something big!
We had a great weekend that first visit and really began to get to know each other. As the weekend drew to a close, I found that I didn't want him to leave. I wanted to spend every minute of time that I could in his presence (a feeling which continues to this day!). So that was the beginning of it all, the start of things, the way we met... It is not a traditional love story, nor one which I ever believed would happen to me, and yet that is the way it occurred. It was the Lord's plan for our lives, and despite its oddities, it is our story to treasure and hold onto forever. I couldn't be more glad to have Steve in my life, and I look forward to many more adventures and stories which we will be able to write together.
[ Read Steve's version of the story ]
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